Saturday Night ShopORama
by Connecticut Junkie
Summary: What could be more fun on a Saturday night than grocery shopping with a mystical energy sister and a tag-along vampire? Pretty much anything. (Season 6)


Title: Saturday Night Shop-O-Rama

Author: Connecticut Junkie

Rating: PG-13

Summary: What could be more fun on a Saturday night than shopping with your little mystical energy sister and a tag-along vampire? Another ten words randomly picked from the dictionary. Another writing exercise. Kind of a continuation from "Normal People Need Not Apply". Ooh. I think I've got a little muscle now.

*Written Feb. 3, 2002* (Post 'Gone' and 'Doublemeat Palace') 

Disclaimer: Not mine. And if they showed up on my doorstep, I'd send them home to Mutant Enemy and Marti (but not Joss cause he abandoned them. Bad absentee daddy!)

P.S. For those of you familiar with my Gilmore Girls work, I was pleasantly surprised by a line near the end, since I found this when cleaning out my harddrive and had totally forgotten that I'd even written it in the first place. So enjoy.

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Captain

Fire

Jack

Monolith

Laughing

Aversion

Temper

Owe

Overwhelm

Security

Wonder

Bonus: Ovum

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Saturday night. The time to go out with friends, party, see a movie, and have fun. Of some kind. Of any kind. Buffy sighed, and looked once again at the vast selection of cereal on the shelves. Saturday night and she was at the grocery store, trying to decide between Lucky Charms or Cheerios. Well, not the _real_ kinds, but rather the generic versions, because she made a grand total of six dollars and fifty cents an hour.  So she pondered the Marshmallow O's vs. Toasted O's dilemma and tried not to feel overwhelmed by something as stupid as breakfast food.

"Fake Lucky Charms, definitely," came a voice over her shoulder. 

Buffy turned around and saw Dawn throwing some kind of junk food in the cart. "Not the healthiest of choices…" she said slowly.

"But who can say no to marshmallows for breakfast?" Dawn finished for her. "I promise to put bananas in it or something."

Buffy decided not to voice her aversion to the hideous combination and tossed the box into the cart. "Psuedo-Charms it is."

They moved down the aisle and looked for the other items on their list. Well, not that Buffy had actually made a list in the written sense; it was more a vague notion of what to get so that her and Dawn didn't starve. They had made it all the way to the bread aisle when she heard something that made the little hairs on the back of her neck stand up and do the Wave.

"Spike!" Dawn said it the same way she would squeal out the name of a Backstreet Boy; Buffy almost found herself laughing at the thought of Spike in a boyband. She very quickly pushed that disturbing yet amusing image from her mind.

"'Ello, Nibblet." His eyes narrowed. "Slayer." Then he graced them with the smile PTA moms would give each other if they met at the grocery store, being the annoying son of a bitch he was.

Before Buffy could even tell him to go away Dawn was chattering. "Where have you been? I haven't even seen you since the hospital and you really don't think I'd let this cast come off before you could sign it, do you? I mean, imagine the look on Janice's face when she sees 'Spike' on there- she thinks you're totally hot by the way- and make sure that when you sign it, you make it look really bad-ass and evil."

Buffy vaguely wondered if shoving her own stake through her eyeball would be as painful as listening to Dawn's excited ramblings to Spike. Great, now Dawn was giving him a hug- any more of this and they'd have to announce a vomit cleanup on aisle 5 over the loud system. 

"Spike," Buffy said by way of greeting, if hostility was a way. 

"Fancy meeting you here," he drawled. 

"Don't you mean, 'fancy purposely stalking you here?'" 

"Someone's got a bit of a temper," he said to Dawn, who rolled her eyes.

"At least you don't have to live with it."

Buffy cleared her throat. "Dawn, why don't you go get milk or something?" Her sister was smart enough not to argue with the tone of her voice and reluctantly skulked away. She turned to Spike. "I'm going to give up on asking why you're here."

"Not that I owe you a bloody explanation, but I'm here shopping. Getting supplies that are vital to sustaining my unlife." 

Buffy looked at the two packages he was holding. "Wheatabix and pork rinds? Besides 'ugh,' this is lame. No, on second thought, this has fallen completely off the lame scale and landed right on the 'More Pathetic than a Sci-Fi Con' category."

"So…you're _not_ happy to see me? Well now I'm sad, think I'll go on home to my crypt and cry into my Wheatabix. Then they'll get all soggy and I'll cry some more. Once I get control of myself, if you feel up to it, you can stop by and insult me a few more times, and I'll bawl like a little baby until I stake myself to end my misery."

"Your immense talent in sarcasm is unappreciated."

Spike shrugged. "Then maybe I'll just go home and jack off instead."

"Be careful not to get your Wheatabix all soggy." She turned away from him, only it didn't have the same effect since her hair was so much shorter, so she compensated by making very loud clonking noises with the heels of her boots as she walked away. She found Dawn standing in front of the milk section, holding a carton and looking very bored.

"Where's the cart?" Dawn asked when Buffy walked up to her.

"Huh? Damn!" She cursed Spike for being such an insufferable bastard. "It's uh…back by the bread." 

Dawn rolled her eyes. It occurred to Buffy that if she had a nickel for every time Dawn rolled her eyes she'd have- lots of nickels. "I don't get you two," she said while they made their way back to the cart, "you actually seemed to be on good terms after you came back, and then all of a sudden it's like 'bam!' Awkward City."

"You're insightfulness is creepy. Stop it. And besides, so none of your business."

"Fine. But I'm still gonna say one thing: stop being so bitchy to him. I mean, you should have seen how bad he was when you were gone."

"Of course he was bad, he's a vampire." 

"Buffy, that's not what I meant. He was hurt- like really hurt. I think out of all of us, he took it the hardest. He wouldn't even let me stay home alone at night cause he made some promise to you. And he felt super guilty because he couldn't save you."

"So I'm supposed to be nice to him because he was all broody and guilty?" She cringed the moment she said it. Wow, did she set herself up for that one. Before Dawn could say anything, she placated her. "Fine, I'll try to be nice. For tonight, at least."

"Good." 

Spike was still by the cart, having conveniently tossed his two items inside it. "Knew you'd come back. Couldn't resist my sinister attraction."

She looked at her sister, who glared back at her with pleading eyes. "Dawn, remember when I said the hardest thing in this world was to live in it? I take that back. The hardest thing in this world is dealing with Spike." She turned back to the vampire, who had a bemused expression on his face. Buffy really, really wanted to punch him in the nose. "If you want to tag along, I suggest you shut up." Buffy proceeded down the aisle.

"Who says I want to tag along after Your Precious Self like some dog?" he snapped, firmly standing his ground.

"Whatever." When Buffy and Dawn reached the next aisle, she was less than surprised to see that he was right behind them. They did their shopping with a minimal amount of insults, her and Dawn and Spike, walking down the rest of the aisles looking like the poster children for Dysfunctional Families of America. 

In the ice cream section, Buffy leaned against the cart handle while Dawn tried to decide what flavor to get. She could feel Spike get closer to her, so she turned her head completely forward and stared intensely at the sign advertising a sale on Ben and Jerry's. He rested his left hand on top of hers on the handle, his fingers tracing back and forth over her skin. Despite herself, she felt her pulse quicken and her body heat up. 

"Dawn, pick something already!" she snapped.

"What's the rush?" her sister yelled back, never taking her eyes off the ice cream. 

A small groan was the only forthcoming answer as Spike's other hand slipped onto her waist and he pulled her back, holding her against him. He traced circles around her navel while his left hand trailed up her bare arm. Buffy gripped the cart handle even harder, idly hoping it wouldn't break under the stress. 

In a voice that was completely normal, he called out to Dawn, "How 'bout we get some hot fudge and whipped cream too, bit?" 

Dawn's eyes still didn't leave the ice cream when she answered, "Gotta ask Buffy since she's paying."

"Your call, love," he whispered against her ear, the hand on her arm wandering to skim the side of her breast. "Could be fun…"

The breath in her throat hitched, and then she lost all coherent thought when his fingers dipped under the waistband of her jeans. She could feel how hard he was, and when his hand tried to slide past the top of her panties realization found its way through her lust-fogged brain. "Not here," she whispered fiercely, and pulled his hand off her. 

"Elsewhere, then," he whispered back, and kissed the side of her neck before stepping away, right as Dawn faced them with her ice cream selection in hand, oblivious to what had gone on five feet behind her back. Buffy wanted to protest, wanted to tell him she meant 'No way' instead of 'Not here,' but she couldn't with Dawn there. And truth be told, she didn't want to. Because she really did mean what she said.

With a vicious shove she moved the cart and headed for the register. Half her attention went to hearing Dawn talk about some concert one of her friends was going to in L.A. and how unfair it all was that Sunnydale lacked the requirements for hosting major pop stars. The rest of her mind was telling her body to calm down. She would have bet her latest paycheck that Spike had that damn smirk on his face, but she refused to turn around and look at him to confirm it. 

As they put their stuff on the conveyor belt, Spike snickered and read some of the headlines on the tabloids. "'Stonehenge: Monoliths Part of Satanic Worship'…'Nebraska Woman Impregnates Ovum With Alien Space Captain's Sperm.' Where do they come up with this bloody shit?" 

Dawn laughed. "Ten bucks says their offices have vodka in the water coolers." 

Buffy smiled half-heartedly, and came up with her own. 'Resurrected Vampire Slayer Shags Billy Idol Look-Alike Vampire: Claims She Wants the Fire Back.' That faded her smile quite quickly.

The cashier finished ringing up her groceries and Buffy said her goodbyes to her hard earned money. As they gathered up the bags, she had the bitter realization that she'd ended up paying for Spike's Wheatabix and pork rinds. Bastard. Stupid good-looking bastard, she amended as he and Dawn walked out of the store in front of her. For the first time she noticed that he had on yet another new shirt. Thinking about it, she realized he'd varied his clothing more times in the past couple of months than he had in the last three years. Had he been trying to impress her? Well if he was fishing for compliments he'd be sitting on that dock forever.

She grabbed the Wheatabix and pork rinds from the bag and shoved them against his stomach. So it was an accident when her hand brushed over his hard abs. "This is the last time I buy your gross food."

"I'll make it up to you…give you lovely ladies a ride home in my fine carriage."

"Don't you mean piece of crap?"

"Potato, potahto. You accepting or not, cause that Security guard standing outside the door's giving me dirty looks. Guess he doesn't realize you two chose to bask in my presence, and he probably thinks I'm gonna flash you or something."

"Oh, ew. C'mon, Buffy, I don't wanna walk with all these bags and the ice cream will get all drippy."

"Fine," she agreed, but only because she didn't want the ice cream to melt. That would be a waste of money, which would be bad and irresponsible of her. Plus, they could get attacked by a vampire or some other baddie on the walk home, and she'd have to drop the bags to fight, and the eggs might break. So really, she was agreeing on behalf of the welfare of grocery products.

Spike opened the doors on the DeSoto and they put the bags in the backseat. Buffy figured the trunk must be full of dead bodies, but that thought lost the tiny bit of humor it had the more she thought about it. Of course, Dawn's broken arm would be less jostled if she wasn't sandwiched between the two of them, so it was Buffy's luck to get the middle. 

She gave Spike a dirty look when he rested his arm on the back of the seat, to which he responded with a raised eyebrow and a smirk. Thankfully, the ride was short. The bastard even carried most of the grocery bags into the house. 

"Thanks for the ride," she said dryly, hoping he would get the message. 

"My pleasure," he answered, giving her that look that said 'my words have a double meaning but just in case you don't get it, I'll wiggle my eyebrows and lick my lips provocatively.' 

Dawn, who thankfully had not seen The Look, had already dug into the ice cream, and speaking with a mouth full of chocolate chip cookie dough, said, "Buffy and I were gonna watch a movie. Wanna join us?"

Buffy could have killed her. "I don't think Spike's idea of a fun Saturday night is hanging out with the Slayer and her teenage sister." 

Dawn rolled her eyes- Buffy mentally added another nickel to her imaginary jar- and spooned up another glob of ice cream. "Oh, come on!" she protested. "He's totally in love with you so of course he'll stay."

Buffy could have killed her even harder. "Well maybe if he was really so in love with me he'd listen when I say 'no.'" She crossed her arms over her chest, not just to look tough, but because Spike also seemed to be checking her out.

"Well maybe if you said it like you meant it…" he countered.

Dawn threw the spoon in the sink. "Jeez, this is more frustrating than watching Luke and Lorelai!" She put the ice cream in the freezer, and faced the two of them. "I mean, really, would you two just do it already so you can get rid of the tension?" Then she breezed out of the room as if she had just been talking about something as casual as the weather.

Buffy was speechless, which pissed her off because she couldn't even yell at Dawn. But, on the plus side, Dawn didn't know just how many times she and Spike had relieved the tension. 

"I must say, this has been one bloody eventful night." 

Buffy did what she'd been wanting to do to him since the grocery store. She punched him in the nose.

-end-


End file.
